Fragile Circle
by Marta Williams - www.martawilliams.com
Years ago I read a mystery novel that was not that great, but I'll never forget it. At the end, the author wrote a one-page tribute to Cuddles, his cat and muse, quoting the following passage from Irving Townsend:
We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even more temporary than our own, live within a fragile circle.
That just about says it. Unless you have a parrot or a desert tortoise, you'll probably outlive your animals, over and over again. That's why some people vow never to get another animal after their animal dies - it's too painful to think of going through it again. Usually over time, they can't help but let another animal into their hearts.
I get a lot of calls from people extremely upset because their animals are dying or have just died. The first thing these callers do is apologize to me for being upset! I tell them not to even go there. I've had lots of animals leave me and spent endless ragged weeks mourning and longing for them to be back. This is familiar territory. I also understand when people say, in embarrassment, "I loved my animal more than any human I have ever known, including my family, spouse, etc." The author of the mystery novel I talked about also mentioned being as close to Cuddles as to any human he had ever known. Somehow it seems odd to us to be more upset about an animal dying than a person. But I don't see how could it be any other way.
Animals are pure spirits. They love us and devote themselves to us without reservation. Not many humans are capable of that kind of love. Animals are totally tuned in to us, and once a bond is established they never abandon us. To lose all this when your animal dies can be like losing the ground beneath your feet.
So how does one deal with the death of an animal? Here is the advice I am able to give you from my experience. Even though your animal's body is gone, the spirit will be right there with you after death. I believe that an animal's spirit stays with us until we are able to go on alone. Yet whenever you think of that animal or invoke it in any way, the spirit is right back with you, so you're never really alone and you never truly lose the animals you love. At least, that is my experience of the process.
Animals teach us enormous lessons about death and dying and how to live our lives. Tell your animal out loud why you are happy that he or she came into your life and what you learned from the experience. This can be done before or after death. Just talk out loud and assume the animal can hear you. If you are working with the spirit of an animal, close your eyes and visualize the animal while you talk.
You will experience grief in one form or another when an animal you love dies and it could be very intense. Realize this and prepare for it. Take calming herbs (like chamomile tea) and calming flower essences (like rescue remedy) often. Try the homeopathic remedy Ignacia amara, and use lavender essential oil as aroma therapy. All of these aids are available at your local health food store.
It will also be important to take special care of your body. Get massages, do hot tubs and saunas, and get lots of sleep. Also rent some funny movies so you make yourself come out of your depression even if only momentarily. Let yourself cry as much as you need to. Don't tell people about how you feel unless you know they will be supportive. Many people just don't understand this kind of loss. If it appeals to you, you can seek out a therapy group of others who have lost their animals. Usually, your local Humane Society will know of such a group.
You will eventually recover. The only way to get over grief is to go through it. Eventually too, you will probably get another animal. There are many many animals out there who need and want you love and care. And you will probably fall in love all over again and again have to go through the grief of losing that animal. I think animal lovers are some of the most educated people on the planet when it comes to understanding death and being able to go through the grieving process.
If you are a multi-animal household you may find that your surviving animals will also grieve for the one who has died. You can do many of the same remedies for them as for yourself: herbs, essences, massage and homeopathics. Consult your local holistic veterinarian or check out the animal supplement sites listed in my Resources:Links section.
I also wanted to give you my advice for how to make the decision about whether and when to euthanize an animal. I base that decision on the animal's quality of life. If an animal is in severe pain that can't be alleviated, or is unable to move and eliminate normally, or over time has become unable or uninterested in eating, it may be more merciful to help the animal die. If the animal is interested in food, moving a bit, able to eliminate somewhat normally and not in a great deal of pain, then I would not make the decision to euthanize. My cat Jenny lived to be about 26 and she was eating and moving around on her own until the day she died. I finally had to put her down because she was no longer absorbing the subcutaneous fluids I was giving and her foot began to swell and grow painful. Euthanasia is always a hard decision to make, and sometimes it is what animals want us to do for them. Other times they want to hold onto life and be in our company as long as they can. The trick is to observe objectivley, set aside our needs and wants, and truly discern what our animals need and want. | 
